Posted by: Rainbow411 / GSHRadio on 05/19/2017

A Little Help From Your Friends

A Little Help From Your Friends


Photo: Shutterstock 

When I find you attractive, I want to sleep with you. It’s that simple, and I’m fairly confident I’m not the only queer man who feels this way. I find lots of guys attractive, which is why I often want to sleep with many, many guys. This is completely fine in theory. In reality? Not so much. 

We live in a sex-negative society. Because of this, most of us don’t sleep around. Why? Because we don’t want to be slut-shamed by others, but even more so, by ourselves. We feel that there must be something wrong with us if we have sex with a lot of different people. “What deep hole must we have that we are trying to fill?” we ask ourselves. (For some reason, “The butthole” isn’t a sufficient answer.) As a society, we’ve pathologized promiscuity. We don’t seem comfortable being straightforward: He has a plump butt, and I’d like to eat it. That’s it.

Then there’s the whole monogamy deal. Please, before sending me hate mail, let me just say there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting — or being in — a monogamous relationship. But I will take issue if you’re monogamous simply because everyone else is. Simply because you’ve drunk too much of society’s Kool-Aid that’s told you monogamy equals good, wholesome, and ideal, whereas nonmonogamy equals bad, pathological, and immoral. 

If you’ve seriously introspected and can say confidently, without any undue influence from society, that you would still derive the most fulfillment being monogamous in a world that didn’t exalt it, then my gripe isn’t with you. You marry the man of your dreams, raise two rugrats, and paint that picket fence white.

I will say, though, that as queer men, it’s nice that we often fall outside the norms that come with dating, simply because many folks don’t consider two men dating “conventional.” As we gain rights — like marriage equality (which we should absolutely, 100 percent have) — it doesn’t mean we now have to marry.

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